Cables. Why the fuck is it that any particular wire or cable I happen to need at any time is always the one fucking cable
(or wire) that I cant find? Not sometimes, not occasionally or often or even a sizeable percentage of the time, but all-fucking-ways.
Without fail. It makes absolutely no sense - I have 7 of everything! How can they all go awol right when I need, not all
seven, but just one lousy fucking cable!! What gets me even more is where the fuck do they hide, until just seconds after
I don't need em anymore? I scour the apartment, turning things over, smashing things up and generally scaring the cat and
... nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Fuck-all. Until exactly 14 seconds after I cease needing the thing, when they all miraculously
reappear out of nowhere, acting as though nothing had happened. Bastards! I';m sure Gates has something to do with this.
He's still pissed about me calling him out a few weeks back. Ya! Couple Mondays ago, I say to my listeners that I'm rolling
with a new conspiracy theory : Bill Gates has things set up so that, when his name is mentioned in any media ,everything said
about him gets flagged, tagged and packaged for shipping to Bill himself, with the most serious ones going to FedEx for immediate
delivery. If you doubt the existence of flagging, try taking certain combinations of books out of the library, or, if you're
in the U.S., try saying the words "president" and "bomb" in a few phone conversations. Anyways, ya, I
invite Bill to the studio on Monday for a one on one, winner takes all, good ol' fashioned punch-up. Monday drags it's ass
in on time, as do I. Who doesn't show?? Eh? Same thing happened with Helen Walton, AND the time me and Soon To Be Legendary
Lee challenged SlipKnot to a little donnybrook. Buncha fucking pansies!!
This one terrifies me more than pisses me off. It scares
me to think how often net newbies click on a perfectly ordinary link, then, when the web page comes up, get a really intense
look on their face and say "we're in". Fuck off. You didn't just hack into the Pentagon, this isn't Operation
Sun Devil* and you're not within 2 keystrokes of the NORAD missile launch sequence! It's just a fucking website, anyone,
ANYONE who clicks on it gets there, so please stop acting like you're Super Hacker - you're not Neo, this isn't the Matrix
and you haven't done anything any 6 year old kid couldn't do.
Learn more about Operation Sun Devil here.
And while I'm here, I may as well mention this: My personal
theory of just what's wrong with North America. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. It has probably not escaped your attention, that,
when showering, if you turn the shampoo bottle around, you will find those words. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. And that is exactly
what I feel is wrong in North America today. We live in a society so simple that the manufacturers of shampoo feel the
need to include instructions on their product. C'mon, even a hairdresser could figure it out by themselves (or at least
in a small group). And it's not like one of those goofy warnings you see once in a while, like the blowdryer with the
warning "Do not use in shower" or the little silicone pack in new shoes that says "Do not eat". Those are there for a reason,
and the reason is that someone has actually done it. True! Hair dryers never bore the warning until some idiot actually used
one in the shower. A certain brand of lawn mower, the amazing 'Fly-Mo' (no wheels, it sort of hovered around like a , well,
like a hovercraft) suddenly started displaying the warning "Do not use to trim hedges" because some braindead mouthbreather
actually picked one of these things up by the edges to do a little trimming. The only things that got trimmed were 5
or 6 of his idiot fingers. Ah, well, social Darwinism, eh? More dope for the rest of us. But Lather, Rinse, Repeat?
No, not there to protect the stupid, just there to direct the stupid. And they will probably be directed straight
into the nearest catholic church where they will symbolically kill and eat their own god, all of which leads me to
this (long overdue) conclusion: Religion is not, as Marx claimed, the "Opiate of the Masses", it is the "Appetizer of the
Unbalanced". Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
And while I'm on the topic, what the fuck is christian Death Metal? C'mon, they only have one death to write about, how many
bands can go off on the same thing?
"jeeziz died" chugga chugga chuuga
"for your sins" chugga chugga screeeee
"but you weren't even born yet" Chugga chugga (solo)
See what I mean? Iraqui Death Metal would have a lot more tunes, wadda ya think? Let me know.
After leaving The Zoo and doing a short stint in New Westminster, I am now detoxing in glorious, sunny White Rock. 8 months
of dental surgery left me seriously addicted to Morphine and Dilaudid (a substance 4X stronger than Heroin)but I'm pretty
much clean now (as of this writing, I will be substance free in 6 days) It's been a long hard haul, but with some help from
some incredible people, Kara, my sister Babs, and Maddy, it's almost over!!!
If you know any people with substance problems, try to understand what they're going through, even when they get bitchy
and irritable (and they will)and remember, we are always recovering, never recovered.